Please help Rodney

Last week, I wrote just a little about Rodney, who is battling leukemia.

Rodney is a writer trapped in a photographer’s body. He’s an amazingly witty, smart and talented person.

He was a photographer in Detroit when he fell victim, like so many of us, to the sweeping newspaper layoffs.

He found brief hope when he joined the staff of the new Detroit start-up paper.

Sadly, we all know how that ended.

Then he was diagnosed with leukemia.

What a year.

So, Rodney and his family could use a little help, to say the least.

He wrote a book called “Spiritual Wanderer” that you can buy right here.

His publishers are doing an amazingly cool thing. For the rest of 2010, they’re giving up their cut and giving ALL the proceeds from Rodney’s book directly to Rodney.

So, please, spend $10 and buy the book. It will help Rodney and only Rodney.

I’m ordering mine today. Join me?

From what I’ve read from Rodney so far, I know the money will be his, but the gift will be ours.

Please help Rodney

Last week, I wrote just a little about Rodney, who is battling leukemia.

Rodney is a writer trapped in a photographer’s body. He’s an amazingly witty, smart and talented person.

He was a photographer in Detroit when he fell victim, like so many of us, to the sweeping newspaper layoffs.

He found brief hope when he joined the staff of the new Detroit start-up paper.

Sadly, we all know how that ended.

Then he was diagnosed with leukemia.

What a year.

So, Rodney and his family could use a little help, to say the least.

He wrote a book called “Spiritual Wanderer” that you can buy right here.

His publishers are doing an amazingly cool thing. For the rest of 2010, they’re giving up their cut and giving ALL the proceeds from Rodney’s book directly to Rodney.

So, please, spend $10 and buy the book. It will help Rodney and only Rodney.

I’m ordering mine today. Join me?

From what I’ve read from Rodney so far, I know the money will be his, but the gift will be ours.

A woman’s week at the gym

I so wish I could take credit for this, but I can’t. My mom sent it to me in an e-mail forward, but it is one of the funnier things I’ve read in a while.

If you don’t laugh out loud at the part about brushing her teeth, you’re not alive …

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a CEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

THURSDAY
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.

FRIDAY
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds.

A woman’s week at the gym

I so wish I could take credit for this, but I can’t. My mom sent it to me in an e-mail forward, but it is one of the funnier things I’ve read in a while.

If you don’t laugh out loud at the part about brushing her teeth, you’re not alive …

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a CEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

THURSDAY
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.

FRIDAY
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds.

What a nut

So, this morning I was dreaming that I sang in a talent show.

I have no idea what song I sang, but I do know I printed off the words and took them with me on stage.

That had to be pretty impressive to the judges.

Right as Ellen DeGeneres opened her mouth to announce the winner, my alarm went off.

Now I’ll never know if it was me.

Drats.

I wanted to share with you my latest find: Emerald Cocoa Roast Almonds.

I had been curious about these every time I saw them next to my regular almonds at Sam’s Club. On Saturday, they were one of the samples, so I tried them.

Yumm-o. Just enough cocoa goodness, too, to tame chocolate cravings.

I was genuinely surprised when I found that they have exactly the same calories as regular almonds. So I bought ’em.

OK, OK. I know why you’re really here. The weigh-in.

I lost 2 more pounds last week, bringing my total so far to 39 pounds!

By the way, “next week’s” weigh-in will actually be conducted this Friday. We are heading out early that morning to Kentucky for a week, so I’ll be away from my scale – and computer – until Monday, July 12.

Oh, I know. What EVER will you do without me for a week?

What a nut

So, this morning I was dreaming that I sang in a talent show.

I have no idea what song I sang, but I do know I printed off the words and took them with me on stage.

That had to be pretty impressive to the judges.

Right as Ellen DeGeneres opened her mouth to announce the winner, my alarm went off.

Now I’ll never know if it was me.

Drats.

I wanted to share with you my latest find: Emerald Cocoa Roast Almonds.

I had been curious about these every time I saw them next to my regular almonds at Sam’s Club. On Saturday, they were one of the samples, so I tried them.

Yumm-o. Just enough cocoa goodness, too, to tame chocolate cravings.

I was genuinely surprised when I found that they have exactly the same calories as regular almonds. So I bought ’em.

OK, OK. I know why you’re really here. The weigh-in.

I lost 2 more pounds last week, bringing my total so far to 39 pounds!

By the way, “next week’s” weigh-in will actually be conducted this Friday. We are heading out early that morning to Kentucky for a week, so I’ll be away from my scale – and computer – until Monday, July 12.

Oh, I know. What EVER will you do without me for a week?

One question for the weekend

Hello, Friday! And hello to you.

I am running way behind this morning, so I want to simply leave you with something to think about over the weekend.

Who or what is in control of your life?

Please don’t let it be a thing.

Please don’t let it be nothing.

If the answer is not you or your higher power, is it time to change that?

Have a great weekend. I’ll see you Monday.